Time: 05 Feb 14:45
Location: The CUSFS Library
'Twas the night after CUSFmas, when all through the 'Bridge,
Not an insect was buzzing, not even a midge;
Some garlic was hung in a festive display,
In hopes that the vampires would stay well away;
The CUSFS committee, wrapped tight in their Souls,
Dreamt of Ewoks and Tribbles and unicorn foals;
But one CUSFSite was still wide awake:
It was the librarian, whose name it was Jake;
As he lay in his bed, with the wooden slats creaking,
He suddenly heard a great moaning and shrieking.
In order to see what this ruckus was for,
He threw off his bedsheets and went to the door.
Outside, he discovered an eerie green glow,
Which gave sickening hues to the new-fallen snow,
But as he stood wondering, with barely a sound,
A terrible edifice rose from the ground,
With walls of black marble, and sixty-six floors,
And the words "Anti-Library" writ over its doors.
More rapid than lightning, he turned tail and fled,
Wanting only to hide in the warmth of his bed;
"No Gas, and no Feminists, nor Argon's dread Eye;
Who'd acquire such monstrosities? Not I, sir, not I!
I thought that I'd banished them, but oh! how I've failed!
Zeus have mercy upon me!" he shouted and wailed.
As a dry leaf is pierced by a T. Rex's claw,
While it slaughters its prey with a snap of its jaw,
So Jake's feet, as he ran, punched right into the ground,
And he screamed as the topsoil collapsed all around.
He fell for what seemed like a minute or more,
'Til he landed, unharmed, on a slime-covered floor.
As he got to his feet, and peered into the gloom,
He was met with a sight that was laden with doom:
A statue in onyx, some thirty feet high –
A hideous chimera of authors gone by.
From its back grew a pair of great leathery wings
(A bit like the Balrog, from Lord of the Rings);
It had Butler's bright eyes, and McCaffrey's long hair,
But alas, the resemblances didn't stop there.
It had Asimov's glasses, and Banks' bushy beard,
And Jake cried: "Oh, good god, it is worse than I feared!
The foul Anti-Library created this beast
On works of bad sci-fi and fantasy to feast!"
But, just as he spoke, with a click and a whirr,
The Lovecraftian construct was starting to stir;
It looked down at Jake, and its gaze met his eyes,
Then it spoke to him words that were... gentle, and wise:
"My librarian friend, there is nothing to fear:
The darkness is waning, the daylight is near.
Those books you're so scared of are shut safe away,
And I, their custodian, will keep them at bay."
Then the Anti-Librarian took Jake in its palm
(For he knew in his heart it would do him no harm),
And it spread its wings wide and flew up in the air,
And put him back down on his doorstep with care.
Then it bid him farewell by the light of the moon,
And said: "Come to the CUSFS library opening this Friday afternoon!"
Well, you heard the terrifying author-beast: come to the library already!